Friday, February 8, 2013

Super Sauce Me
Sauce or Soup?
A delectable piece of meat is unparalleled in its deliciousness.  There is nothing better.  A little salt, a little pepper and some oil is really all that's required.  Pork, beef, veal, duck, chicken (okay maybe not chicken) it doesn't really matter what the meat is, a well prepared hunk of mammal is always the star of the meal.  All too often in today's American cuisine that's forgotten.  It's taken to such an extent that today's culinary "elite" (hipsters in cooks clothing) refer to the meat simply as the "protein" of the meal.  They are robbing the meat of it's uniqueness.  They are making it seem less relevant, less important. Delicious meat, you see, can be prepared by one and all.  So in order to downplay it's importance they call it a protein and make their sauces the star of your plates.  This is vanity at it's worst.  These "chefs" are taking the taste out of my mouth in order to line their pocket books and raise their celebrity profiles.  It's a culinary disgrace if you ask me.  Whose to blame in all of this you ask?  The French of course, them and their elitist American disciples...hipster foodies.

They come from gritty neighborhoods in Portland, San Francisco, Brooklyn, Chicago and Seattle and they have spread forth through our country and onto our television sets in a blitzkrieg fashion.  They have waged an unparalled PR campaign and convinced us that pomegranates are more important than pigs, that compotes should be the leading man and carne the character actor.  I've had enough.  My palate is confused and overwhelmed.  It doesn't want new it wants delicious.  The taste of a big beautiful cut of beef doesn't need to be hidden beneath a potpourri of fruits and vegetables.  It needs to be bathed in it's own fats and dropped on a plate.  If you want to put a little something on the side to add a little kick, that's okay, but we don't need to slather it in a bunch of crap.  I have long assumed that ketchup and mustard were invented to cover the poor taste of low quality sausages.  I long ago removed those crutches from life.  Today we have wonderful hot dogs and sausages that need nothing.  If you want to put some toppings on there to make your dog even more delicious I understand, but hiding it's taste is no longer necessary.  Our high end meats, like our hot dogs, have improved, as has our access to them, so why are we moving in the wrong direction with this?  I refuse to cover my rib eye in anything that would make it taste less like a rib eye.

My Culinary Heroes
The internet and high end food stores have given me access to anything my stomach desires.  Chefs were becoming obsolete and they changed their game.  They started dressing different and getting tattoos and piercings and going on TV in order to convince me that I needed to come to their restaurants.  They became more flash and dash than dollop and dash.  Their recipes became things that were too complex for me to make at home and as soon as I do figure them out they start using new even more foreign and difficult to find ingredients and cooking devices.  But I'm on to them.  I see what you're doing celebrity hipster chefs and I'm not buying it.  I'm going to Ruth Chris's and I'm going to have a nameless Mexican cook me a delectable steak and it will be the best thing I've ever eaten.  

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