Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Jewish Descapegoation Plan - Phase 1

Impressive introduction hipster. Not impressive enough however to merit the ever-desired capital H prior to your desired label/persona. Maybe if a little more effort were put into the important aspects of life (i.e everything), then you and your comrades could finally become a welcome part of society. Until then, however, you will be loathed and despised, because, come on, really? Biking in skinny jeans on a 103 degree summer day? WTF.

Anyhow, without giving any more attention than has already been drawn towards this segment of humanity who thrive to do nothing more than represent everything they are attempting to avoid representing, let us focus on the true purpose of this blog: Scapegoat Transition.

With a fairly negative/prosecution-heavy history going as far back as memory serves , Jews around the world have been seeking a NES-Inspired-Flashing-Screen-Envoking-Reset-Button. A restart to all the negative events in history that have plagued our every step: Jesus’ Death (he did kinda screw us). The Holocaust. These guys (Thanks for that one Miss Rowling). A new group of individuals who shall finally free us from all the adversity to which we have succumbed, and ultimately allow us to take over world’s finances in peace. And Hollywood. We rock that sh*t.

Leading us to our new revolution

Not leading us to our new revolution

Before commencing our less-than-secretive descapegoation plan (don’t worry, Webster will be adding that badboy within the year), I present you with a few ground rules for this “initiative”:

1. Jews from the East Coast don’t count. They could quite possibly be worse than hipsters.

2. Jews with “ultra-strong” beliefs do not count either. They are kinda cray cray.

3. Hollywood “Fraction” Jews DO count (1/8 of Zac Efron!)

4. Jewish Hipsters have 30 days to pick a side.

5. Genocide is off-limits. Sorry psycho readers… try hugging someone, might make you feel a bit better.

Over the next until-we-get-bored-and-stop-writing-blog-posts number of days/weeks/months/eras, I shall help push our cause, and show the world how truly scapegoatable hipsters really are. All the while promoting the unbelievable freshocity of my own Jewish brethren. Need I remind you?

hipsters: May the odds be ever in your favor (that is of course if you actually believe in statistics -- they are kinda mainstream)

Your turn my good friend Mr. Diez. Your turn.


No comments:

Post a Comment